Clocked in at 6AM

My first day since god knows when I've woken up early.
Making progress......

Who am I?

I've seriously been thinking about this for a long time.
I was set. I wanted to be a computer programmer for life.
Ever.
I was so sure.
What have I been doing?
Anything but that.

I've been selling, been teaching, being creative not as I was years back. It's as if I've been the soul has been sucked out of this body and been replaced with a new one. Same DNA, Different mind.

I look back at the photos I have left when I was a child and it's so different. The face, the mood.

To try to find excitement again, I loaded up my developer tools. Nothing. People tell me about the latest shift in what the new C++ DirectX programming can do. Nothing. People telling me in the careers to look higher such as the SAP as I'm planning to do.Nothing.

I'm always thinking. I keep asking my brain what I want to be when I grow up.

Nothing.

Life of a Sim2! :)

I just got hold of The Sims 2, and I'm playing on my P3 733 with a Geforce2 GTS card. It runs damn well, and I give it a 5 out of 5!

Lots of times better than the first Sims. Your Sim can age. Yes, age! Before you know it that little baby fella turns to a teenager and racks the house. Each sim has a personality, or an aspiration that they follow. Each aspiration has goals that they should achieve to attain their aspirations. With more better aspirations, they can get funky items like elixir of health and all that. Mine's fortune, so it's sorta like money money money and more money. My gf(Disclaimer: In Sims 2) on the other hand has a Love aspiration, one of her major goals is to make out with 3 guys in 1 nite. Oh, did I mention that they can make out?

Lots of things to talk about my sim. I'll put in the photos later, but it'll be in parts and it'll be quite soon. But my family configuration is as follows:
- Me, vice-president in business
- gf, homeworker
- adopted son, teenager

My goodness, I just realised I can't remember their names. Must check before their next birthday
If you guys need a zest for life, this game could probably do it :) Cheers.

Working towards a 9-5 job

As some of you know, I'm a freelancer. So my hours are super varied from super wee hours of the morning till late afternoons. So I could sleep late and still be fine. Should be.

My dad just landed me a job as some SAP thing. Everybody's going wahhh..go get it....so now I'm in training.

What training?

Training to wake up at 8am.

It's freaking hard. No?

Be passionate at what we do

Have you ever felt at times what are you planning to do in life? What is ur purpose to be in this world and then not exist anymore?

Disclaimer first. To anybody who wants to preach religiously. Please spare this blog.

It's so fustrating to try to find what you really want to do. At first I thought I wanted to teach computers to other people, but that sucked. It's quite fustrating and unfortunately quite boring. Then a programmer, but it makes me pissed at other people and unfortunately makes me very arrogant.

My parents tries to say that it's ok that I can take my time to think about what I want. But I can see that they want me to decide fast, as they're near retirement and I have to take the ball rolling soon.

And every day, I walk and see other people who got it made. You know, these are the ones who you know it's gonna be a doctor. He talks about bone and blood all the time, even during lunch. Or the one who talks about cars from the morning to evening.

Wouldn't it better to just not exist?

Fire Hazard at my doorstep

As I arrived to my computer room, I find that there are numerous wires all over my comps, like an alien has entangled its limbs to every single comp, except for the Mac. Fearing that if I disconnect some wires it'll probably lose the internet connection and lose power, I don't feel like to move it an inch. But it's growing. Every day I see more wires. Wires Wires Wires till the point until it's gone. One spark from 1 wire and this room is history.

Why not have wireless power? I don't know how that works in theory. But that'll be cool. Charging your batteries in your pocket. Using your PDA and when you arrive at a hotspot it'll charge itself? Heck, even electric cars will be useful coz it'll charge when it arrives at a hotspot. Cool isn't it?

Classes are slow compared to last I checked. Sigh only 2, target's 5 for the month. Well, it's sorta the 1st out of 3 weeks that I've put the ad, so lets hope for the best.

Besides the 2 are very interested, but not confirmed. Sigh.

brain not working. Need Coffee...Crap.

Life is probably more like crap. You probably won't know how bad it is until you step on one.

Nothing to write today

Empty soul walking by.

Move along.

The woes of NetMaster

A cybercafe in NetMaster who to this end have not maintained their wonderful comps and are rotting to the brink of extinction. It's because of this that I've lost so many games of Warcraft 3!

And Orcs are so cheating! YARGH!

err..fine I can't play that good :P

The ipod mini and it's life in 1 month.

Ipod mini.
Retail Price 1199.
iTrip FM Wireless transmitter 239.
Scolding the salesman and the service center for it to spoil twice in 2 weeks.
PRICELESS.

Yup. it's in the workshop, again. With the same problem. The menu button on the mini doesn't work and I can't go back in the menu after listening to some songs.

Which brings me to another point. Don't, i repeat DON'T buy any stuff from Megabuy Sdn Bhd. Their staff in my humble opinion seems pretty much clueless about everything and doesn't even bother to call back after repeatedly being told to do so to make sure everything's in warranty and/or in repair.

I must say also that in all aspects of Apple, one thing I really hate abit is their warranty. Sure it's free...but it's taking darn long.

apple. You either hate it or love it or eat it. Choose.

Life without coffee

Being a 6 cup coffee drinker a day guy, this was the hardest thing to do in my life. After the incident, I'm supposed to stay away from coffee for a while. Having said that it wasn't that easy.

Withdrawal symtoms set in, with hands and feet shaking without realisation that it is. And the nights that you so yearn to live in and the wee morning hours has been lost due to the excessive dizziness after 2am. Every pain in your body and your soul comes back from the time you've had your first cup to get rid of it all.

Heaven is in one cup, hell is when you're not drinking it.

Near Death Experience

Just when I got back from church camp, I was called for a game of Warcraft 3 in my friend's office. As I was heading to Taman Tun, a sudden but not so bad chest pains started to emerge. Thinking I pulled a muscle I kinda disregarded it.

As I was starting the computer. Drinking a can of Pepsi, the chest pains kept on hitting me like a brick on me, and I had problems breathing. Good thing there's a hospital nearby, so got admitted and got an ECG. Then I was talking about how I was feeling and all, the first thing I noticed is that the doctor was staring at me like I was talking to him in Spanish or French. After a few retries and recommunication, he told me that I'm having some gastric problems. When I drank that Pepsi, the acidity of something shot out of the stomach, forcing my eoshopagus (i have no idea how to spell this) to contract, causing breathing problems.

Pepsi kills man.

Locked out from my own home

Very weird. Two days back I was at a church camp at Tapah. Feeling bored, I took the next car home, only to find that the house is locked. Now, I have most of the keys to open it mind you. Just that there's this single piece of metallic lock that is barring me from my humble domain. My maid has left on a holiday, with the keys with her. So had to bunk in one of my mates. Sunday, just got back.

Remind me to burn that lock.

Why do I hate God?

One of the most weirdest questions that I asked myself every day. Why do I hate God?

This question bothers most Christians I gather, and I apologise for that. Maybe it's just me.

I've been a Christian most of my life. As a kid I've been going to Sunday school every sunday, listening to the stories of how people were being saved from their sins. A spark of smile came from the small kid at the back of the room knowing that there's hope.

But somehow things went astray. Being in an International School with a tradition to uphold, I started to lose my footing and fell. Being out with friends, never had time to go to church, playing games. I started to drift away.

First time I came back to the YF was when I was 12/13 (can't remember). A frightened kid who came back and saw the church again. This time I knew in my heart that I'll always never fit in. The church is a tight group, where generations of families have met together and mingled and everybody knew everybody except me. The odd one. By 19 I left. I've made alot of friends, but I was drifting. I knew it, it always was there. The excuses that I made was a cover up to feel how alone I am.

By 23, my favourite aunt passed away. Her last wish was for me to go back to church. Now at 24, as I'm listening to the lectures and sermons and made countless of good friends that I cherished for my entire life, I started hating God.

Why? Is it because that I'm blaming him to take away my aunt at such a moment where I've gotten angry at her.

Crap.

What is life?

Have you ever reached a time where you're at a lost? You recollect things in the past that was good and what if you've never left your first love? Or achieved something that you really yearned for decades or in the ages?

This blog is made by a soul who lost that desire. A caffeinated-lifeless walking body that goes through life to see what things are ahead of him.