Before I forget, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
I'm kinda thinking of going for a trip but then I kinda think it's kinda waste of money. I mean I'm not a guy who goes out to another place and I will be kinda lost and afraid.
I remember last time when I was in APIIT after my college days I will sometimes by myself take a bus to shopping centres, which I think in most cases is 1 Utama. I would just walk around and look at books, at gadgets, but also I look at people.
I don't mean that I stare and stalk a person, but the observation of what they do. I see couples who hold their hands and walk around together, a family who has dad, a mom and their kids who are eating together and the kids will be fidgeting and all that.
I like to watch people for their social interaction, but I think it's a personal matter that I watch.
You see, my family was fantastic before I was 10 ( please note, that my family now is still fantastic, just not as good before 10 ). When I was 10, it's kinda different story. I was told by my mom and dad that they will have to split ways, and tears started pouring out of my eyes. And life wasn't the same since.
I then watch things that hurt things. Like because my dad has gone behind my mom's back and been together with another lady (now my stepmom), I can see the grief that my mom had to go through, and she had to take care of 3 of us which I think she is a strong lady.
I also don't see my dad often. We see him every Sunday which is kinda like the standard thing to do but he's kinda busy with his work and business, as am I. So usually when we meet up, we will talk something about business. But it's more like I have to put up a professional face so that I can meet up with my dad.
So I think my relationships haven't been that great also because I have this tendancy to push people away when they are too close to me. I think it's because I don't want to get hurt again when I am 10.
So maybe thats why I go to shopping centres by myself. Sometimes I will walk in Curve or Ikano and just sit at Starbucks while looking around. When I see things that involve a family I like to watch longer. It's probably maybe because I wish I was there.
I wish my age is less than 10.
3 comments:
never knew you carried such a heavy burden around, when you're usually so cheerful.
take care man
yeah, ah well it's something that i don't really like to shout about.
Thanks for the note though. Cheers :)
Shit happens. Hope you learn to seize the day, make things happen and not let the past eat inside you - as it's useless. Only you have the power to do that. I'm from a divorced family too, it sucks - but it could be worse like a death of a parent or sibling (sorry to hear about your friend ShuZanne - unfair that such a young life was robbed).
Also, I learnt that the partnerships I have does not have to follow the history of my family's. Hope you find your 'one' - and keep her by appreciating her - everyday.
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