Near Death Experience

Just when I got back from church camp, I was called for a game of Warcraft 3 in my friend's office. As I was heading to Taman Tun, a sudden but not so bad chest pains started to emerge. Thinking I pulled a muscle I kinda disregarded it.

As I was starting the computer. Drinking a can of Pepsi, the chest pains kept on hitting me like a brick on me, and I had problems breathing. Good thing there's a hospital nearby, so got admitted and got an ECG. Then I was talking about how I was feeling and all, the first thing I noticed is that the doctor was staring at me like I was talking to him in Spanish or French. After a few retries and recommunication, he told me that I'm having some gastric problems. When I drank that Pepsi, the acidity of something shot out of the stomach, forcing my eoshopagus (i have no idea how to spell this) to contract, causing breathing problems.

Pepsi kills man.

Locked out from my own home

Very weird. Two days back I was at a church camp at Tapah. Feeling bored, I took the next car home, only to find that the house is locked. Now, I have most of the keys to open it mind you. Just that there's this single piece of metallic lock that is barring me from my humble domain. My maid has left on a holiday, with the keys with her. So had to bunk in one of my mates. Sunday, just got back.

Remind me to burn that lock.

Why do I hate God?

One of the most weirdest questions that I asked myself every day. Why do I hate God?

This question bothers most Christians I gather, and I apologise for that. Maybe it's just me.

I've been a Christian most of my life. As a kid I've been going to Sunday school every sunday, listening to the stories of how people were being saved from their sins. A spark of smile came from the small kid at the back of the room knowing that there's hope.

But somehow things went astray. Being in an International School with a tradition to uphold, I started to lose my footing and fell. Being out with friends, never had time to go to church, playing games. I started to drift away.

First time I came back to the YF was when I was 12/13 (can't remember). A frightened kid who came back and saw the church again. This time I knew in my heart that I'll always never fit in. The church is a tight group, where generations of families have met together and mingled and everybody knew everybody except me. The odd one. By 19 I left. I've made alot of friends, but I was drifting. I knew it, it always was there. The excuses that I made was a cover up to feel how alone I am.

By 23, my favourite aunt passed away. Her last wish was for me to go back to church. Now at 24, as I'm listening to the lectures and sermons and made countless of good friends that I cherished for my entire life, I started hating God.

Why? Is it because that I'm blaming him to take away my aunt at such a moment where I've gotten angry at her.

Crap.

What is life?

Have you ever reached a time where you're at a lost? You recollect things in the past that was good and what if you've never left your first love? Or achieved something that you really yearned for decades or in the ages?

This blog is made by a soul who lost that desire. A caffeinated-lifeless walking body that goes through life to see what things are ahead of him.