Being older....

I seriously need to post more often.

As my last post was during March, and now is nearing the end of May to starting of June.

I think what I like to talk about now is that:

I miss the old times.

I miss being young.

Things were easier back then. Money was a concept that you earn as hard as you can and you use it on your expenses and you'll probably get by. Now with all the inflation issues, it's quite hard to live. I thought initially it's Malaysia, but it's also affecting other countries. Like my friend Mark said as he's staying in London, working as a doctor, was feeling the brunt of the housing costs and expenses over there.

But also things were more happier for me personally as well way back before. I am not so alone as I am now, and also not such a workaholic. Because most if not all of my friends are working longer and longer we don't get a chance to go out and it makes it feel...like bleh. Just going back through my previous posts also makes me sigh once in a while. Nowadays, it's mostly work, client calls, computer problems and once in a while some drinks to forget the issues that we had. A boring day cycle.

I'm also not keen of getting old. I have most of my friends getting married and some even having kids. I think I'm at the time I can't be like a kid like that and talk alot of crap (although I still do most of the time). It's just that I'm not really ready to be at the group (although i'm at 27 this year and close to being 30 in 3 years time) to settle down or like just be still.

I need to run, thats probably what drives me to being self-employed. I still like the adventure of having to trying to find money to make ends meet although it's laborious and probably torturous like that. I'm a soul with a fire that I don't want it to burnt out. As probably as long as I can hold this out this will be my fire in me.

I saw this thing on Discovery about the stars after they don't have enough certain gas to burn ( I'm not sure what the gas is sorry ) it'll turn into a white dwarf, then as it gets smaller it pulls the necessary gases together, turning to a red dwarf, trying to burn as many resources as it can, and eventually turn a super nova ( I think i may get this wrong, bear with me, it's an analogy ). I feel that my life will be like that.

Which brings back to the problem of being old. I can't run as fast. I probably can't judge and analyse as fast when I was younger. Also I probably need to wear specs soon, which I'm not used to.

Is it because my mental age is stuck? Maybe my brain think's it's 21, but since my body is 27, it cannot do it's job as efficiently as it used to.